Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Hand Baggage Hate


There are many pointless things I rage about, most of which I intend to cover in this blog, but a recent Easyjet ad, proclaiming 'We love luggage' that informed passengers that they can now carry up to 10 kilos of hand luggage, turned my simmering resentment into unhinged fury.

There are two rules air line operators need to know:

1. if it has wheels, it's not fucking hand luggage.

and...

2. if you can't comfortably carry it in your hand, it's not fucking hand luggage.

Think about this Easyjet - who actually pays for the fucking tickets, the baggage that your loins burn for so or the passengers who have to store their genuine hand luggage seven rows away from their seat because the twat sitting next to them has filled an overhead locker designed to hold the luggage of three with a single bag matching their body weight and size?

If it was just Easyjet I might be able to let it go, but on a recent trip back from Rio (check me out) with BA, I was joined in departures by a gaggle of smug looking middle-aged businessmen, presumably on their return trip from the antarctic judging by the sledge sized volume of luggage they intended to take on board with them. It's a little known fact that middle-aged business men (or MABs as they're better known) are the most selfish creatures on earth, I've seen them steam roll the disabled to get a seat on the 6.15 to Epsom, but even by their standards the size of these bags were obscene. Just take the things that you need for god's sake. I'm starting to feel like passengers just take oversized bags because they can and if you were to actually open up there bags you'd find 7 pairs of pants, 7 pairs of socks and 9.99 kilos of sand.

Airports are way too stressful as it is without having to fight for overhead locker space with lazy shits who can't be arsed to wait the extra 25 minutes at reclaim.

4 comments:

James Glazebrook said...

Uh oh. This could be the start of a Manflet rift.

On a recent trip "abroad", me and my Manflette came to the realisation that next time we could skip the tortuous wait at baggage claim (at this end at least; in Berlin, our bags actuallly beat us there) by putting our cases (which have wheels) in the overhead lockers. But we'll need a couple of people to help us up there.

Yes, we are THOSE lazy shits.

Nick said...

NOOOOOOO

I hate you both forever

bri said...

I hate overhead storage with a vengance because it holds everyone else up while people fiddle about in the damn aisle. Usually the people who have seats at the front of the plane (I've been flying a lot in North America lately, where we still have assigned seats) who like to board BEFORE their rows are called just to fuck the rest of us off.

If it doesn't fit in front of my feet, it gets checked.

And if you can't lift it yourself, but still insist on bringing it on a plane, you should be shot.

anna-marie said...

oh for a day when i'd pack lightly enough for hand-luggage only! leopards need luggage.

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