Monday, 30 March 2009

Just Donk It

A few remixes churned out by, which (finally!) allows you to follow the example of the Blackout Crew and put a "bangin' donk" on your favourite tunes. If the hoodie-house collective have passed you by, then check out this five-part documentary which tracks them down to Bolton, the "Mecca of Donk".

When getting your donk on, think outside the (big fish little fish cardboard) box. Blackout Crew have already covered "bassline!... electro!... techno!" and most house comes pre-donked. Killer is an exception to this rule, being song-based and slow enough to yield utterly ludicrous results. Seal's vocals pitch up so high that he sounds like Akon caught in his zipper, and the final breakdown is more of a meltdown - as the drum machines run each other down and happy-slap each other silly.

Blackout Crew didn't invent Donk; they just gave it a name. Back in the 90s, Original Donkaz like The Course kept clubs like Bonkers, um, tonking with their remixes of pretty much every song that hit the charts. Well crap time-keeping and what sounds like a technical error from means that their version of Ready Or Not is still the original and the best. Except for the Fugees one. And that Enya song it sampled.

It had to be done. I ignored all the pop-ups warning me about potential over-donkings, and went for it. I was feeling reckless. Like a chav pimping up his Cosworth, I figured there was no such thing as too fast, or too loud. I even ticked the box for"extreme chipmunk". The results? Predictable, but no less satisfying for it. Donk to the power of Donk.

To be fair to the Blackout boys, most people miss the complexity of their magnum opus. The oft-overlooked mid section when the track breaks down to just nursery-rhyme MCing, acoustic guitar and the most delicate of donks is paedo-prog heaven. The only song I could find that could live up to this was Bohemian Rhapsody - which, here, is by turns messy and exhilarating. Picture Wayne and Garth shaved down to a grade one, doing donuts in the Mirthmobile until they puke blue WKD on each other.

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