Thursday, 21 January 2010

I Pity The Fool! (Who doesn't have a dream A-Team)

I thought it was a joke, but they have re-made the A-Team for… What are we calling this decade? For the tens? The Star Wars prequels ensured that I would never be fooled into thinking a remake of one of my childhood loves would have a happy ending. I check out the cast and instantly I notice that Liam Neeson is playing Colonel John “Hannibal” Smith. Normally I quite like Neeson; I didn’t even mind him in Batman Begins, but Taken was proof that he should not star in action films.

If I had to describe the new A-Team film to someone purely based on the trailer, then I would have no reservation in saying, it’s like The Fast and The Furious meets Oceans 11. The second thing I would say is that Neeson has no place in this film – surely they could’ve got someone better? It was with this thought that I thought I’d come up with a list of who I thought should have starred in the new A-Team. Sadly this didn’t go according to plan, as it should never have been made and I struggled to think of anyone who could match the original cast members. However, my mind did wander and I began to come up with themed A-Teams. Not making any sense? Keep on reading…

The Dumb-Team
Lt. Templeton ‘Faceman’ Peck – Ashton Kutcher
Col. John ‘Hannibal’ Smith – Will Ferrell
Capt. ‘Howling Mad’ Murdock – Tom Green
Sgt. B.A. ‘Bad Attitude’ Baracus – Dwayne Johnson A.K.A The Rock

The B(lack) – Team
Lt. Templeton ‘Faceman’ Peck – Gary Dourdan
Col. John ‘Hannibal’ Smith – Lawrence Fishburne
Capt. ‘Howling Mad’ Murdock – Dave Chapelle
Sgt. B.A. ‘Bad Attitude’ Baracus – Shaq, or maybe he should be white – Mickey Rourke.

If you disagree with or have any better suggestions please comment. Maybe even come up with you own themed A-Teams. I’ll start you off – The theme, an all woman A-Team - Sgt. B.A. ‘Bad Attitude’ Baracus - Queen Latifah (Easy). I’ll leave the rest to you.


James Glazebrook said...

You could also cast Mickey Rourke in the AA Team, recovering alcoholics/addicts (who got hooked on their drugs of choice while serving in Vietnam - THERE'S your high concept). He'd play BA, in ill-advised and poorly-applied blackface.

Robert Downey Jr could play Face and Mel Gibson could draw on his Lethal Weapon persona for Murdoch. Built-in bonus: if either fell off the wagon and forgot who they were playing you could just reverse their roles.

Then for Hannibal, either Jack Nicholson or Dennis Hopper. I don't actually know if they're addicts, reformed or otherwise, I just assumed they were because they were alive in the Sixties.

Hmmmm that plan didn't exactly come together...

James Glazebrook said...

Oh, and who the shit's Gary Dourdan? He looks like a marginally-more-tanned Brad Pitt wearing an afro wig!

Jason Giraudel said...

I have to admit that Annabel may have helped me choose a hot black man for face. Think he's from CSI.

Peter said...

how about Sid James and the I Say Team?

James Glazebrook said...

Haha Sid James as BA is MENTAL!

Crispin said...

I got one - well nearly

Hannibal = Kevin Spacey
Face = Tom Cruise
Murdoch = John Travolta
BA = Johny B Bad from WCW - ok I struggling with this one

occasional lady 'April' or whatevs > Penelope Cruz

Solomon Moroi said...

*Version 1

Col. "Hannibal" Smith – Ed Harris
Lt. "Face" – Aaron Eckhart
Cpt. Murdoch – Sean William Scott
Sgt. B.A. Baracus – Michael Clark Duncan

*Version 2

Col. "Hannibal" Smith – Ric Flair
Lt. "Face" – Bradley Cooper
Cpt. Murdoch – Jim Carrey
Sgt. B.A. Baracus – Mark Henry

*Version 3

Col. "Hannibal" Smith – Dennis Hopper
Lt. "Face" – Nathan Fillion
Cpt. Murdoch – Robin Williams
Sgt. B.A. Baracus – Ving Rhames

減肥 said...


Anonymous said...

Failure is the mother of success...................................................

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