Thursday 21 January 2010

I Pity The Fool! (Who doesn't have a dream A-Team)

I thought it was a joke, but they have re-made the A-Team for… What are we calling this decade? For the tens? The Star Wars prequels ensured that I would never be fooled into thinking a remake of one of my childhood loves would have a happy ending. I check out the cast and instantly I notice that Liam Neeson is playing Colonel John “Hannibal” Smith. Normally I quite like Neeson; I didn’t even mind him in Batman Begins, but Taken was proof that he should not star in action films.

If I had to describe the new A-Team film to someone purely based on the trailer, then I would have no reservation in saying, it’s like The Fast and The Furious meets Oceans 11. The second thing I would say is that Neeson has no place in this film – surely they could’ve got someone better? It was with this thought that I thought I’d come up with a list of who I thought should have starred in the new A-Team. Sadly this didn’t go according to plan, as it should never have been made and I struggled to think of anyone who could match the original cast members. However, my mind did wander and I began to come up with themed A-Teams. Not making any sense? Keep on reading…

The Dumb-Team
Lt. Templeton ‘Faceman’ Peck – Ashton Kutcher
Col. John ‘Hannibal’ Smith – Will Ferrell
Capt. ‘Howling Mad’ Murdock – Tom Green
Sgt. B.A. ‘Bad Attitude’ Baracus – Dwayne Johnson A.K.A The Rock

The B(lack) – Team
Lt. Templeton ‘Faceman’ Peck – Gary Dourdan
Col. John ‘Hannibal’ Smith – Lawrence Fishburne
Capt. ‘Howling Mad’ Murdock – Dave Chapelle
Sgt. B.A. ‘Bad Attitude’ Baracus – Shaq, or maybe he should be white – Mickey Rourke.

If you disagree with or have any better suggestions please comment. Maybe even come up with you own themed A-Teams. I’ll start you off – The theme, an all woman A-Team - Sgt. B.A. ‘Bad Attitude’ Baracus - Queen Latifah (Easy). I’ll leave the rest to you.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

You could also cast Mickey Rourke in the AA Team, recovering alcoholics/addicts (who got hooked on their drugs of choice while serving in Vietnam - THERE'S your high concept). He'd play BA, in ill-advised and poorly-applied blackface.

Robert Downey Jr could play Face and Mel Gibson could draw on his Lethal Weapon persona for Murdoch. Built-in bonus: if either fell off the wagon and forgot who they were playing you could just reverse their roles.

Then for Hannibal, either Jack Nicholson or Dennis Hopper. I don't actually know if they're addicts, reformed or otherwise, I just assumed they were because they were alive in the Sixties.

Hmmmm that plan didn't exactly come together...

Anonymous said...

Oh, and who the shit's Gary Dourdan? He looks like a marginally-more-tanned Brad Pitt wearing an afro wig!

Jason Giraudel said...

I have to admit that Annabel may have helped me choose a hot black man for face. Think he's from CSI.

Peter Format said...

how about Sid James and the I Say Team?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk4vXJ9IUc8

Anonymous said...

Haha Sid James as BA is MENTAL!

Crispin said...

I got one - well nearly

Hannibal = Kevin Spacey
Face = Tom Cruise
Murdoch = John Travolta
BA = Johny B Bad from WCW - ok I struggling with this one

occasional lady 'April' or whatevs > Penelope Cruz

Solomon Moroi said...

*Version 1

Col. "Hannibal" Smith – Ed Harris
Lt. "Face" – Aaron Eckhart
Cpt. Murdoch – Sean William Scott
Sgt. B.A. Baracus – Michael Clark Duncan

*Version 2

Col. "Hannibal" Smith – Ric Flair
Lt. "Face" – Bradley Cooper
Cpt. Murdoch – Jim Carrey
Sgt. B.A. Baracus – Mark Henry

*Version 3

Col. "Hannibal" Smith – Dennis Hopper
Lt. "Face" – Nathan Fillion
Cpt. Murdoch – Robin Williams
Sgt. B.A. Baracus – Ving Rhames

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